Let’s Be Adult Archive

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Gay FAQ: I think I might be gay

I think I might be gay.

Well good for you!  Now lets figure out if you really are.  Do you have an overwhelming desire to decorate?  Teach your female co-workers how to dress?  Cut hair or scream “girlfriend”.    Well who cares – none of those things indicate you are gay.  Only your heart knows for sure and it will tell you when the time comes.

So have you had an encounter with a man?  Did you like it?  Well guess what – that doesn’t mean anything either.  No matter what they tell you there are scads of straight men who have had sexual encounters with other men and are not gay.  Homosexuality is an activity in my mind, not a lifestyle.  A blow job in the park does not a gay man make.

Gayness is not determined by a list of actions or thoughts.  Gayness is a way one is.  A gay person was born this way (no matter what the Christian Wrong says) and there is no changing it.  Did you hear that Exodus?  You cannot change being gay.  You can choose to live in the closet and not live a gay life style – that is the only choice you have in this – but you cannot change the basic fact that one is or is not gay.

But how do you know.  Well although this may not seem helpful at first – but the answer to that is – you just know.  It took me years to come out to myself after knowing that I found myself looking at men more than women – after wondering what a kiss from my best friend would be like – after being hugged by a man and feeling at home in his arms.  I just knew.

The most important thing to realize is that there is nothing wrong with the fact that you might be gay.  There have been famous, successful, wonderful gay people since the beginning of time.  The days of society telling us we are perverts are over.  (well they still tell us that but we now know they are wrong).  We are created the way we are and have the right and possibility of living productive and happy lives out in the open.

My advice to you is to allow life to happen – don’t hold back – don’t lose your sense of wonder – be open to new people and new things – and never ever allow society, an employer, a family member, or anything else tell you what and how you should be.  Be you – and one day soon – you will know – you just will.

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Man-Making

The Ancient Call: For thousands of years, in cultures around the world, when the time was right the men of the village came for the adolescent boys. Guiding young males toward a solid and responsible manhood was men’s sacred work. Today, too many men are not answering this man-making call. The result is an epidemic of lost, damaged, and under-male-nourished boys.

Man-Making is a practical and inspirational guidebook for men. It shows them how to awaken and apply their instinctive man-making skills. In this book, every man, regardless of his level of commitment to this work, will find something he can do to support a boy or boys on the journey to manhood.

As a man reading this book, you will:

  • Realize how adolescent boys desperately need men in their lives.
  • Recognize that you already possess all the knowledge and instinctual talents needed to move young males toward successful manhood.
  • Learn about five types of involvement and a broad range of man-making actions that make a positive difference in boys’ lives.
  • Discover the many ways your life and others’ will be transformed when you use your natural skills as a maker of men.

http://man-making.com/index.html

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FAQ: Gay Men’s Health

Dear Dr. Know,
What (if any) special concerns should I have if I am a gay man?

Patient in PA

Dear Patient,
Yes, gay straight and bi men who have sex with men should observe the following health care screening:

HEALTH CARE SCREENING FOR MEN WHO HAVE SEX WITH MEN

  • Physical exam: every 3 to 5 years
  • Family history.  This should be reviewed/updated at every physical exam.
  • Lab screening: fasting glucose, cholesterol particularly
  • Be honest about your sexual practices:  are you top, bottom, versatile?  Are you monogamous in your relationship? In what sexual practices do you engage?  If your physician is uncomfortable with these issues, find another physician.
  • HIV test every 3 to 6 months depending on your sexual practices.  Do you practice safe sex? If not, get screened more often.
  • Syphilis test every 3 to 6 months.  Syphilis is rampant in this community, and condoms may not protect you.  This goes for herpes and venereal warts.
  • Venereal wart immunization.  Unfortunately, this immunization is approved only for men up to the age of 26, and it is very expensive:  $200 a shot for 3 shots.  60 to 75 % of men who have sex with men have venereal warts, and they can be anal, so you don’t necessarily know that you have them.
  • Anal pap smear if you have ever bottomed, no matter how remotely.  Anal cancer is more common in men who have sex with men than cervical cancer is in women.
  • Venereal wart anal screening for exposure to the strains of the venereal wart virus that are known to cause cancer.
  • Gonorrhea and Chlamydia screening:  as needed based on symptoms and sexual practices
  • Hepatitis A and B immunizations.  Get screened first.  Screening should also include hepatitis C.  Many of my patients have had hepatitis A, B and/or C and never knew it.  You don’t neeed the immunizations if you have already had the infection.  If you are HIV positive, you should receive a double dose of hepatitis B vaccine.  Ten percent of people infected with hepatitis B become chronic carriers, and can infect their partners; and a small percentage of the chronic carriers will develop liver cancer.
  • Herpes 2 screening.  Are you positive for exposure?  A simple blood test will answer the question.
  • Evaluation of nicotine use
  • Evaluation of drug and/or alcohol use
  • Screening for depression

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Lessons from dad

Dad taught me how to:
1. Tie My Shoes

Untied shoelaces won’t do. Dad taught me how to lace my shoes and tie them firmly in place. The laces need to be tied properly to give your shoe a proper fit and to make sure straggler laces don’t trip you and cause a skinned knee from a fall.
What I Learned: From this I learned that life at times can trip you up. A little effort and preparation before taking steps down life’s pathways will make your journey less treacherous.

2. Ride A Bike

My mom likes to tell me the story about what good little bike riders my sister and I were when we took turns riding on our shared bicycle. My older sister and I are Irish twins, I am ten months younger. Dad taught us both to ride without the help of training wheels on the sidewalk out in front of our home. Later, he taught us about bike safety when we became first graders and were given new bicycles to ride to school.
What I Learned: From this I learned about sharing, responsibility, and also the importance of balance.

3. Jump Rope

I was in tears one day after school because the other girls at recess would no longer let me play jump rope with them. I was a terrible rope jumper and was teased on the playground. Dad backed our car off the carport making room for me to practice jumping. He coached me on what I was doing wrong and helped give me the confidence to jump better.
What I Learned: From this I learned the importance of feeling confident.

4. Grow A Garden

In the summertime my parents had a large vegetable garden growing in our backyard. Dad toiled with the hoe, carving out the rows. My sister and I got down on our knees and pushed in the seeds with our “green thumbs.” With my father’s strong hands cupped over our smaller hands we covered seeded rows of radishes, carrots, beans, and corn with the freshly tilled soil. In the weeks to follow we helped to water and weed the garden.
What I Learned: From this I learned the importance of nourishment and caring for the bountiful earth.

5. Fly A Kite

My first kite cost 15 cents! It was yellow and I loved it. It came with a ball of string. Mom gave me a few strips of fabric to tie on its tail. Dad marched my sister and me across the street from our home to an open field where we could fly our new kites. He tested the direction of the wind and gave us a few instructions. After a few failed tries, my kite was soon soaring high in the sky.
What I Learned: From this I learned the excitement of being a part of something higher than myself.

6. Play Fair

Every child wants to be a winner. I was no different. My dad made sure that I didn’t cheat or take short cuts to secure the winning prize. My family and I played lots of indoor and outdoor games together. It didn’t matter what the game being played was (croquet, ping-pong, badminton, monopoly, or rummy), cheating was not allowed.
What I Learned: From this I learned how much sweeter winning is when the game is played fairly. And, I also learned the joy of play, win or lose.

7. Play Chess

My father taught me how to play many games. Chess is one that I never learned how to play very well, not for the lack of trying. But the lessons I learned from playing it have served me well.
What I Learned: From this I learned the importance of strategy. There are many different ways to win a game or survive a loss. And the most significant lesson that I took from this game as a young girl was realizing that the Queen (the female gender) had more moves than her King. Women are significant and powerful.

8. Shoot Hoops

Both my parents played basketball on their high school teams. To this day they are huge basketball fans, regularly attending the Hawkeyes games in Iowa City. I fondly remember shooting hoops out on the back patio before supper time. Dad patiently taught me how to hold the ball and aim for the basket.
What I Learned: From this I learned the importance of focusing on a goal, aiming for the best score, and most importantly that practice, practice, practice is an important element in becoming your very best.

9. Hunt For Mushrooms

Each springtime we would go trampling through the wooded areas looking for morel mushrooms. Dad would give my sister and me a few tips where to look for them. I loved these nature outings and often times picked more wild flowers than mushrooms. However, I fondly remember the afternoon I discovered a motherload of shrooms growing under a lush patch of mayapples.
What I Learned: From this I learned that some of life’s best treasures come from nature… and they’re free!

10. Save My Allowance

I credit my father, both parents really, about learning the value of money. I was given a weekly allowance but was not allowed to spend it freely. I was cautioned to save half of it each week so that it would accumulate into a larger sum. I was raised in a Christian home and was also taught about tithing.
What I Learned: From this I learned the importance of securing a savings account and about charity.

Thanks Dad!

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EDITORIAL Gay marriage vs. gay sluttage?

Some have suggested reserving the word “marriage” for religious contexts, and in civil and legal contexts using a uniform concept of civil unions. Harvard Law professor Alan Dershowitz wrote that such an arrangement would “strengthen the wall of separation between church and state by placing a sacred institution entirely in the hands of the church while placing a secular institution under state control.”

Marriage proponents find such a suggestion impractical. “Why do we suddenly have to throw out the entire system, invent some whole new thing, just because gay people want to get married,” asks Evan Wolfson of Freedom to Marry. “I don’t actually see Alan Dershowitz doing anything about this, other than writing an article, because he probably rightly understand it would be an immense project to go around the country and convince 200 million plus people to trade in their marriage for something new and explain why we are doing this when we actually have a legal system that already clearly distinguishes between civil and religious marriage.”

Conservative critics like National Review’s Jennifer Morse contend that the conflation of marriage with contractual agreements is itself a threat to marriage that “has undermined more heterosexual marriages than anything, with the possible exception of adultery”. However, in the case of one state in which same-sex marriages are recognized, Massachusetts, there is a long history of marriage being regarded as purely a civil institution. (Reference Wikipedia)

Setting aside the whole suggestion of “undermining society” and instead taking a good look at the real world, there seems to be a gay way of marrying with rules and benefits. All couples (or whatever) must come to a mutual understanding.

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