Category Archives: Let’s Be Adult

Gay FAQ: I think my loved one might be gay.

I think my loved one might be gay.

Congratulations!  Many people do not have the honor of knowing someone gay or at least don’t know they know someone.

You might be asking yourself – “well if he/she is gay, how to I treat them”?  The answer to that is VERY simple and VERY important – you treat them like they are your loved one.  Any other response is inappropriate and not loving.

You may not be pleased that your loved one is gay – or you may love it – either way – it is what it is and YOU need to deal with it – it will help your loved one deal with it.  Trust me they will have plenty to deal with in the various forms of discrimination that we are forced to accept in the lack of equal rights:  marriage, adoption, legal access, job and housing discrimination; the list goes on.  If LOVED one is how you really refer to this person – do just that love them, support them, ask them questions, learn about them, care about their lives.

It may make you uncomfortable to talk about their life but ignoring it is very hurtful.  Ask them if they have a significant other just as you would ask your straight loved one.  Make sure invitations include “guest” or the person’s name, just as you would a straight friend.  Introduce that person to others the way your gay friend would choose to have you do that – “this is Jason’s friend” can be very patronizing where “this is Jason’s partner” can be very freeing and respectful to everyone involved.

There may be a number of hurdles for you to get over – but in the end you and your loved one will both be much closer and respect will be the word used to describe how you feel about one another.

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Gay FAQ: I think I might be gay

I think I might be gay.

Well good for you!  Now lets figure out if you really are.  Do you have an overwhelming desire to decorate?  Teach your female co-workers how to dress?  Cut hair or scream “girlfriend”.    Well who cares – none of those things indicate you are gay.  Only your heart knows for sure and it will tell you when the time comes.

So have you had an encounter with a man?  Did you like it?  Well guess what – that doesn’t mean anything either.  No matter what they tell you there are scads of straight men who have had sexual encounters with other men and are not gay.  Homosexuality is an activity in my mind, not a lifestyle.  A blow job in the park does not a gay man make.

Gayness is not determined by a list of actions or thoughts.  Gayness is a way one is.  A gay person was born this way (no matter what the Christian Wrong says) and there is no changing it.  Did you hear that Exodus?  You cannot change being gay.  You can choose to live in the closet and not live a gay life style – that is the only choice you have in this – but you cannot change the basic fact that one is or is not gay.

But how do you know.  Well although this may not seem helpful at first – but the answer to that is – you just know.  It took me years to come out to myself after knowing that I found myself looking at men more than women – after wondering what a kiss from my best friend would be like – after being hugged by a man and feeling at home in his arms.  I just knew.

The most important thing to realize is that there is nothing wrong with the fact that you might be gay.  There have been famous, successful, wonderful gay people since the beginning of time.  The days of society telling us we are perverts are over.  (well they still tell us that but we now know they are wrong).  We are created the way we are and have the right and possibility of living productive and happy lives out in the open.

My advice to you is to allow life to happen – don’t hold back – don’t lose your sense of wonder – be open to new people and new things – and never ever allow society, an employer, a family member, or anything else tell you what and how you should be.  Be you – and one day soon – you will know – you just will.

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The Ancient Call: For thousands of years, in cultures around the world, when the time was right the men of the village came for the adolescent boys. Guiding young males toward a solid and responsible manhood was men’s sacred work. Today, too many men are not answering this man-making call. The result is an epidemic of lost, damaged, and under-male-nourished boys.

Man-Making is a practical and inspirational guidebook for men. It shows them how to awaken and apply their instinctive man-making skills. In this book, every man, regardless of his level of commitment to this work, will find something he can do to support a boy or boys on the journey to manhood.

As a man reading this book, you will:

  • Realize how adolescent boys desperately need men in their lives.
  • Recognize that you already possess all the knowledge and instinctual talents needed to move young males toward successful manhood.
  • Learn about five types of involvement and a broad range of man-making actions that make a positive difference in boys’ lives.
  • Discover the many ways your life and others’ will be transformed when you use your natural skills as a maker of men.

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FAQ: Gay Men’s Health

Dear Dr. Know,
What (if any) special concerns should I have if I am a gay man?

Patient in PA

Dear Patient,
Yes, gay straight and bi men who have sex with men should observe the following health care screening:


  • Physical exam: every 3 to 5 years
  • Family history.  This should be reviewed/updated at every physical exam.
  • Lab screening: fasting glucose, cholesterol particularly
  • Be honest about your sexual practices:  are you top, bottom, versatile?  Are you monogamous in your relationship? In what sexual practices do you engage?  If your physician is uncomfortable with these issues, find another physician.
  • HIV test every 3 to 6 months depending on your sexual practices.  Do you practice safe sex? If not, get screened more often.
  • Syphilis test every 3 to 6 months.  Syphilis is rampant in this community, and condoms may not protect you.  This goes for herpes and venereal warts.
  • Venereal wart immunization.  Unfortunately, this immunization is approved only for men up to the age of 26, and it is very expensive:  $200 a shot for 3 shots.  60 to 75 % of men who have sex with men have venereal warts, and they can be anal, so you don’t necessarily know that you have them.
  • Anal pap smear if you have ever bottomed, no matter how remotely.  Anal cancer is more common in men who have sex with men than cervical cancer is in women.
  • Venereal wart anal screening for exposure to the strains of the venereal wart virus that are known to cause cancer.
  • Gonorrhea and Chlamydia screening:  as needed based on symptoms and sexual practices
  • Hepatitis A and B immunizations.  Get screened first.  Screening should also include hepatitis C.  Many of my patients have had hepatitis A, B and/or C and never knew it.  You don’t neeed the immunizations if you have already had the infection.  If you are HIV positive, you should receive a double dose of hepatitis B vaccine.  Ten percent of people infected with hepatitis B become chronic carriers, and can infect their partners; and a small percentage of the chronic carriers will develop liver cancer.
  • Herpes 2 screening.  Are you positive for exposure?  A simple blood test will answer the question.
  • Evaluation of nicotine use
  • Evaluation of drug and/or alcohol use
  • Screening for depression

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Lessons from dad

Dad taught me how to:
1. Tie My Shoes

Untied shoelaces won’t do. Dad taught me how to lace my shoes and tie them firmly in place. The laces need to be tied properly to give your shoe a proper fit and to make sure straggler laces don’t trip you and cause a skinned knee from a fall.
What I Learned: From this I learned that life at times can trip you up. A little effort and preparation before taking steps down life’s pathways will make your journey less treacherous.

2. Ride A Bike

My mom likes to tell me the story about what good little bike riders my sister and I were when we took turns riding on our shared bicycle. My older sister and I are Irish twins, I am ten months younger. Dad taught us both to ride without the help of training wheels on the sidewalk out in front of our home. Later, he taught us about bike safety when we became first graders and were given new bicycles to ride to school.
What I Learned: From this I learned about sharing, responsibility, and also the importance of balance.

3. Jump Rope

I was in tears one day after school because the other girls at recess would no longer let me play jump rope with them. I was a terrible rope jumper and was teased on the playground. Dad backed our car off the carport making room for me to practice jumping. He coached me on what I was doing wrong and helped give me the confidence to jump better.
What I Learned: From this I learned the importance of feeling confident.

4. Grow A Garden

In the summertime my parents had a large vegetable garden growing in our backyard. Dad toiled with the hoe, carving out the rows. My sister and I got down on our knees and pushed in the seeds with our “green thumbs.” With my father’s strong hands cupped over our smaller hands we covered seeded rows of radishes, carrots, beans, and corn with the freshly tilled soil. In the weeks to follow we helped to water and weed the garden.
What I Learned: From this I learned the importance of nourishment and caring for the bountiful earth.

5. Fly A Kite

My first kite cost 15 cents! It was yellow and I loved it. It came with a ball of string. Mom gave me a few strips of fabric to tie on its tail. Dad marched my sister and me across the street from our home to an open field where we could fly our new kites. He tested the direction of the wind and gave us a few instructions. After a few failed tries, my kite was soon soaring high in the sky.
What I Learned: From this I learned the excitement of being a part of something higher than myself.

6. Play Fair

Every child wants to be a winner. I was no different. My dad made sure that I didn’t cheat or take short cuts to secure the winning prize. My family and I played lots of indoor and outdoor games together. It didn’t matter what the game being played was (croquet, ping-pong, badminton, monopoly, or rummy), cheating was not allowed.
What I Learned: From this I learned how much sweeter winning is when the game is played fairly. And, I also learned the joy of play, win or lose.

7. Play Chess

My father taught me how to play many games. Chess is one that I never learned how to play very well, not for the lack of trying. But the lessons I learned from playing it have served me well.
What I Learned: From this I learned the importance of strategy. There are many different ways to win a game or survive a loss. And the most significant lesson that I took from this game as a young girl was realizing that the Queen (the female gender) had more moves than her King. Women are significant and powerful.

8. Shoot Hoops

Both my parents played basketball on their high school teams. To this day they are huge basketball fans, regularly attending the Hawkeyes games in Iowa City. I fondly remember shooting hoops out on the back patio before supper time. Dad patiently taught me how to hold the ball and aim for the basket.
What I Learned: From this I learned the importance of focusing on a goal, aiming for the best score, and most importantly that practice, practice, practice is an important element in becoming your very best.

9. Hunt For Mushrooms

Each springtime we would go trampling through the wooded areas looking for morel mushrooms. Dad would give my sister and me a few tips where to look for them. I loved these nature outings and often times picked more wild flowers than mushrooms. However, I fondly remember the afternoon I discovered a motherload of shrooms growing under a lush patch of mayapples.
What I Learned: From this I learned that some of life’s best treasures come from nature… and they’re free!

10. Save My Allowance

I credit my father, both parents really, about learning the value of money. I was given a weekly allowance but was not allowed to spend it freely. I was cautioned to save half of it each week so that it would accumulate into a larger sum. I was raised in a Christian home and was also taught about tithing.
What I Learned: From this I learned the importance of securing a savings account and about charity.

Thanks Dad!

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Evolution and Sexual Fidelity

Why does the conventional wisdom put gays, lesbians and other sexually “different” people into the same category? GLBT has become somthing akin to “and the rest” in the Gilligan’s Island theme song and equally due for a revision in thinking. Just as The Professor and Mary Anne deserve to be recognized for who they are, the “deli sandwich” acronym must also be banished to reruns only.

There are fundamental differences between the sexes – and even more so between the homo-sexes. Gay men and lesbians are as culturally different as men are to women in general. While we will leave it to others to explore the nature of lesbianism and transexuality, the nature of male sexuality (gay, bi or straight) can readily be viewed from an evolutionary perspective.

There is a biological schizm between men and women. Women bear children and so any sexual encounter could easily become a nine-month-to-a-lifetime commitment. Men do not share that burdonsome responsibility so directly. In fact, social custom and trust are truly the only guarantee to a man that any child is his own. I would expect this is one of the primary reasons for marriage.

Even so, the human male has no biological ties to his offspring once he has had a sexual encounter. Furthermore, he also has no way to be certain that his union was successful. Only an advanced understanding of time and logic give the likelihood of parenthood. We rely on marriage and female fidelity to try to be sure, but really … a male never can really be certain. So repetition rules!

More encounters means more chances to propetuate the DNA. Men are ready to breed all the time, not cyclically like women. And, comparitively speaking, men often seem far less concerned with their partner’s name than their ability to take a dick. Hook up sites and hook up bars for girls are as rare as a lesbian bath house. Oh, sure, there are always exceptions, but every town has a place for a blowjob. But do gay/straight women ever cut glory holes into the bathroom walls? I don’t think so.

Men are predisposed to poke their pecker into any hole that will make it feel good. We like it and it doesn’t bother us if we do it alot and with lots of people. Being gay just makes it that much easier – because the other participant is a guy too! They say a lesbian takes a U-haul to a second date, but the gay man asks “What second date?”

So men may truly be the sluts. But take heart! Relationships have survived the male need to seed. They always have and they always will. But gay relationships – call them marriages if you will – must be based on the understanding of male sexual programming and one must be cautious about slapping “straight” culture and expectations on a relationship between men. Mary Anne has her own troubles to deal with – we have promiscuity. Of course, it’s only “cheating” if it’s against the rules. So men, talk about it and make sure you and your partners are playing with same rule book.

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A NOTE TO READERS: This site observes General Audience Internet guidelines for a general audience of all ages and observes standards set by the Open Directory Project (ODP)  which sets guidelines for Adult and General Audience Content on the Internet includes:

human sexuality to educate and inform
human sexuality in literary, artistic, political and scientific mileaus
societal and lifestyle support and advice in a non-sexual environemnt
sexually suggestive, but not explicit material (erotica,photos,etc.)
links to Adult material with adult warning pages and certain age to interact

jadeveon clowney is caught speeding 110 mphIn addition the stubby defensive end jumped 35.5 inches vertical and scampered to a 7.06 3 cone and 4.39 shuttle, results that have me completely befuddled. You don see that type of athleticism on tape at all, but Fanaika is a physical, violent defender who can hold his own in the run game and never takes plays off. Joe DeFranco, owner of DeFranco’s training and coach to college and NFL players, suggests dynamic bench presses performed cheap oakleys sunglasses with bands wrapped over the bar. This is like a normal bench press, except each rep is performed quickly and the bands are secured under heavy dumbbells on the floor to add tension at the top of Cheap Oakleys the press. ZIRIN: Honestly, I think a lot of it has to do with social media, and athletes having hockey jerseys access to more ideas on their own time and less of a control over the political discourse in sports by just a couple of members of the sports media your local hometown columnist who would determine what the terms of political debates were and what was or was not OK for athletes to say. All of that is cheap nfl jerseys out the window. This does not totally absolve Cutler of the Bears recent struggles. His gigantic cap hit certainly affects the cheap football jerseys china team ability to build a competent defense. The day is soon coming when the Patriots will need to decide whether to extend themselves financially for their star linebackers or let either of them walk. If Roberts’ emergence continues, it could be interesting cheap oakleys outlet to see Baratas Replicas Ray Ban how he factors into New England’s long term plans.. The mission of the show’s really to peel back the curtain on the NFL, and fans are always excited about getting inside, seeing the blood, sweat and tears. I mean that’s what we’re really trying to accomplish here.. And that why we took the action we took. As I said before, we didn feel that was sufficient, we didn get that right. If you haven’t been keeping up with the Patriots, you don’t know Brady is serving his four game Deflategate suspension. Jimmy Garoppolo took over as the starter and was almost six quarters into that new role when he hurt his right shoulder. Give your plays very short names. A team does not have much time in the huddle, so the quarterback must use just a few words when calling out the play to his teammates. Why is Korea so cuckoo for StarCraft? Most likely because it’s a multiplayer game with strong replay value that came out just when multiplayer gaming in Internet cafes (“PC baangs”) took off as the hot new craze in Korea. After staring at a screen in a cubicle all day, who wouldn’t want to escape and unwind?.

Gay AA

Screw the statistics, gay people have drug problems exactly the same as everyone else on the planet. Some of them, anyway. A lot of them. Maybe you are one of them. The question is: When does it become a problem? The answer is: as soon as you start asking yourself that question. However, the gay lifestyle perhaps offers a few more opportunities for the bad habits to emerge. Before the web and still today, gay men often seek each other at bars or bathhouses or parties – usually with alcohol and more. P’n’P with T’n’G taints the online atmosphere with the burnt-plastic smell of one more pull off the pipe. Whether your poison is liquid, solid, gasseous or even emotional – addiction can destroy your life and kill you. Everybody knows that, right? So why do we do it? Stress and emotional responses to outside influences drive people to use, and gay people have an extra helping of that. Just coming to terms with one’s own “abnormality” can incite a cocktail or two, especially when going “out” to actually act on those impulses to be gay. There’s a saying: Everyone goes down well with beer! Then there are the pressures on gay people from the outside world. When one does not understand oneself, other unsympathetic people and organizations can paint an ugly picture that is internalized and pushes us again to escape. To a certain extent, everyone wants to escape now and then. Holidays and parties and vacations spice up our humdrum reality. Liquor, smoke, food and sex are built right into our social and recreational structures. Humans have always had a need for – or at least a propensity towards – getting fucked up! Read Intoxication for a great review of how well we have made use of the many chemical gifts from God. Altering body chemistry is even something animals do. Ever seen a drunk bird, or a goat on caffiene? When the party starts, who wants it to stop? For some people the limits are clear and easy. But for others, well, more equals better. And more. And more. “Last Call” for some just means “go home and continue with the party.” intoxicationDon’t worry. This isn’t going to become one of those articles that outlines the terrible ends that can come from self-neglect. Just watch Reqium for a Dream or read Love Hurts if you really want to scare yourself. Better yet, simply look in the mirror and ask yourself if you think you may have a sticking point in your behaviour. It’s OK if you do. Addiction is as normal as homosexuality – probably even more so! Just as every town has a glory hole, every neighborhood it seems has an Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous or Overeaters Anonymous or Emotions Anonymous … and for good reason! Overcoming your personal challenges is difficult, and the wisdom and support of a group of like-minded (and like-troubled) people is what the “Twelve Step” groups are all about. Twelve Steps. We hear that term a lot, but what does it mean? All those “steps” may sound like a lot of work, but they are just baby steps and can be taken very slowly. Each one contains a bit a healing, a bit of making up for the past and a bit of hope for the future, and all the while a group of friends is there to help when you need it. Add a dash of spirituality and that is the gist of most programs. What they all agree on is: take things at your own pace. The program is outlined in the Big Book, online here. Visitors are welcome, not required to speak about anything and just like in the gay bars: no last names are exchanged. And it really does work! Curious folk can learn more about AA, NA and other friendly groups a the official site. Visit the official site to find a meting near you. There are many, many groups with meetings all the time. If you are considering the need for a helping hand, you might want to consider a gay AA group. Although programs are open to all visitors and all walks of life are well represented in AA, groups tend to form around like-minded people. Find your local gay groups here and know that they welcome you whenever you find yourself wondering if you need help.

fox shuffles around its fall schedule on dish networkBut it turns out there are effects beyond simply making people unbearable to be around. A study published in 2007 by researches from Columbia and Stanford University found that frequently praised kids eventually came to believe that intelligence and talent were things they were born with, things Replica Oakleys which under no possible circumstances could be improved. With Hicks’ well publicised connections to the US President, the Dubya Freedom Dome might soon rise over Stanley Park. Then again, it might be something more tasteful, like Dick’s Sporting Goods Park, the Colorado venue where Celtic will play in the MLS All Star game this summer.. Sahel Kazemi, seen here with nephew Farzin Kazemi, had been arrested for a DUI two days prior to her and McNair’s death. Police say the nfl jerseys cheap arrest provoked her to purchase the gun which cheap oakleys was used to take her and McNair’s life that same day. And when we talk about good form we want to talk about a good form of our body. When we have our knees bent, and our back has a nice arch in it so that we are almost straight up and down. Toews, of the NHL’s Chicago Blackhawks, scored on a deflection with just more than seven minutes left in the first period. Crosby, of the NHL’s Pittsburgh Penguins, added his goal on a breakaway with four minutes, 17 seconds left in the second period.In the third, Kunitz stole possession just outside the Swedish blue line, moved into the zone and sent a wrist shot above the shoulder of goalie Henrik Lundqvist of the Rangers. First we need to find a safe place that’s mounted on metal and not glass or plastic. So that is a good place for us. Sager’s persistence was on display at the start of his career, when the 22 year old found himself in the middle of one of the most famous moments in sports history. Making $95 a week in 1974 as the news director at WSPB a Braves affiliated AM radio station in Sarasota, Florida cheap nhl jerseys Sager risked Baratas Replicas Ray Ban getting fired by deciding to hop a flight to Atlanta for a game with Hank Aaron a home run away from breaking Babe Ruth’s career record.. First I’m going to Replica Oakleys start with about a quarter can of oats, go ahead and get cheap nfl jerseys those ready to get mixed up. Next I’m going to throw in one can of creamed corn on top of these oats and then go ahead and mix that up really well. As a haze of confusion continues to permeate circumstances surrounding the tragic incident, a priceless lesson should be kept in mind. For husbands, think a million times before getting involved in an extramarital affair.

EDITORIAL What Makes a Man?

beadultSays Wikipedia,

“The term adult has three distinct meanings:

* Grown man or woman; mature person.
* Plant or animal that has reached full growth.
* One who is legally of age. Opposed to minor.

Adulthood can be defined in terms of biology, psychological adult development, law, personal character, or social status. These different aspects of adulthood are often inconsistent and contradictory. A person may be biologically an adult, and have adult behavioral characteristics but still be treated as a child if they are under the legal age of majority. Conversely one may legally be an adult but possess none of the maturity and responsibility that define adult character.

Coming of age is the event; passing a series of tests to demonstrate the child is prepared for adulthood; or reaching a specified age, sometimes in conjunction with demonstrating preparation. Most modern societies determine legal adulthood based on reaching a legally-specified age without requiring a demonstration of physical maturity or preparation for adulthood.”

Indeed, we are required to allow nobody under 18 in our club, for that is the boundary set by the credit card company and laws. “The legal definition of entering adulthood usually varies between ages 15–21, depending on the region in question. Some cultures in Africa define adult at age 13.

According to Jewish tradition, adulthood is reached at age 13 (the age of the Bar Mitzvah), for Jewish boys, for example, were expected to demonstrate preparation for adulthood by learning the Torah and other Jewish practices. The Christian Bible and Jewish scripture has no age requirement for adulthood or marrying, which includes engaging in sexual activity. According to The Disappearance of Childhood by Neil Postman, the Christian Church of the Middle Ages considered the age of accountability, when a person could be tried and even executed as an adult, to be age 7.
In most of the world, including the United States, the United Kingdom and China, the legal adult age is 18, with some exceptions.”

Culturally speaking, there is no official “coming of age” experience in the modern world, but a series of small indices of maturity. Drinking, driving … sex! These are the primary benchmarks popularized in the twentieth century. But these are simply external activities, events in life rather than actual personal maturity. Anybody can stick their penis in a hole. But does that make them an adult?
Regulation of penis-poking ensues as age restrictions penalize pokers who do not observe calendrical prohibitions. So, regardless of individual adulthood, a year (18) is chosen as a catch-all. If you are not adult yet, too bad. Society says you must be, so here you go. Ready or not!

What, then, if not hormonal capabilities or annual attainment, are the true indices of maturity?

“There are some qualities that symbolize adultness in most cultures. Not always is there a concordance between the qualities and the physical age of the person.
The adult character comprises:

* Self-control – restraint, emotional control.
* Stability – stable personality, strength.
* Independence – ability to self-regulate.
* Seriousness – ability to deal with life in a serious manner.
* Responsibility – accountability, commitment and reliability.
* Method/Tact – ability to think ahead and plan for the future, patience.
* Endurance – ability and willingness to cope with difficulties that present themselves.
* Experience – breadth of mind, understanding.
* Objectivity – perspective and realism.”® is for adults who seek more than just a relationship based on sexual encounters, grown men who prefer to make friends first and grope later, men who are not into tricks, games and juvenile decision making.
Other sites may encourage dangerous behavior: we question it. And we ask you to tell us what makes a man all grown up to you? Send your comments and tell us what characteristics you look for (or look out for) in the men at®

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