Gay FAQ Archive

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Laws Equate Sex to Love

What do banning sex toys, being fired for an off-hours affair, or losing custody of a child because of sexual orientation have in common?

They’re all the result of legal rulings, thanks in part to narrow interpretations of a 2003 U.S. Supreme Court ruling that eliminated criminal prohibitions against sodomy according to Laura Rosenbury, JD, professor of law, at Washington University in St. Louis.

In the landmark case Lawrence v. Texas, the high court ruled 6-3 that Texas’ criminal ban on sodomy between consenting adults was unconstitutional. The decision, which overturned similar laws in other states, was expected to broaden, not restrict, sexual rights.

The petitioners in Lawrence, two men who had been arrested for engaging in sodomy in a private home, were not in a committed, romantic relationship with each other. (It was a jealous partner who called police.) But since the ruling was handed down, scores of lower court cases have held that the case applies only to sexual activity involving emotional intimacy.

These subsequent rulings stem from Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy’s wording of the decision, according to Rosenbury, who co-authored “Sex In and Out of Intimacy,” published in July in the Emory Law Journal.

“Justice Kennedy actually overlooked the actual facts of the case and instead reasoned that consensual sexual activity should be constitutionally protected because it’s an important part of relationships,” Rosenbury says. “And the lower courts have used that language, not the facts of the case, to protect sex only when it’s in this relationship context.”

LONG HISTORY OF CORRALLING SEX, RELATIONSHIPS

States have long protected sexual activity only when it serves the states’ own interests, typically marriage and procreation. While Lawrence has reined in that effort in some cases, the ruling has reinforced the link between sex and relationships in others by suggesting the protection of sexual activity should occur only in long-lasting, intimate associations.

“States used to be much more coercive, punishing sex outside of marriage, and have gradually become less coercive but they still maintain this idea that sex is only valuable in relationships,” Rosenbury says. “We’re trying to highlight how such practices remain to this day, and to provide arguments for really letting go of the channeling of sex into marriage or other relationships that have the potential of long-term intimacy.”

States’ constant linking of sex and intimacy diminishes not only sex outside of relationships but also intimate relationships that are not sexual. Rosenbury’s article asks: Why shouldn’t states allow people to divide the rights and obligations currently attached to marriage among a variety of others: spouses, friends, siblings and sexual partners.

The sex-intimacy connection also reinforces gender stereotypes, assuming that that men achieve intimacy primarily through sex and that women desire intimacy over sex, according to Rosenbury.

“There have long been sexual double standards, and protecting sex only when it is in the service of intimacy does nothing to change those standards,” Rosenbury says. “Although Lawrence acknowledged that emotional intimacy need not involve women, it did nothing to disrupt the idea that sexual pleasure is a male domain.”

Rosenbury, whose research and teaching focuses on sex, family, work and other everyday issues, is committed to examining ways that the law influences seemingly private relationships and conduct. “Sex In and Out of Intimacy” is her most recent examination of that phenomenon.

Popularity: 15% [?]

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Men4Men Scholarship

Men4Men.com® is pleased to announce the Bart Greaton Scholarship for Gay History studies. This annual grant will be given to qualifying students of any gender or age who are pursuing a degree in gay studies, gay history or men’s studies at an accredited secondary institution.

Applicants will be judged on essays submitted for publication in Men4Men™ Magazine on the related topic that most inspires them and must also fill out an application by the August 1, 2010 deadline. This year’s scholarship will be $500 and the winner will be selected on August 31, 2010.

For additional details please email shannon@men4men.com

Popularity: 15% [?]

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Gay FAQ: I think my loved one might be gay.

I think my loved one might be gay.

Congratulations!  Many people do not have the honor of knowing someone gay or at least don’t know they know someone.

You might be asking yourself – “well if he/she is gay, how to I treat them”?  The answer to that is VERY simple and VERY important – you treat them like they are your loved one.  Any other response is inappropriate and not loving.

You may not be pleased that your loved one is gay – or you may love it – either way – it is what it is and YOU need to deal with it – it will help your loved one deal with it.  Trust me they will have plenty to deal with in the various forms of discrimination that we are forced to accept in the lack of equal rights:  marriage, adoption, legal access, job and housing discrimination; the list goes on.  If LOVED one is how you really refer to this person – do just that love them, support them, ask them questions, learn about them, care about their lives.

It may make you uncomfortable to talk about their life but ignoring it is very hurtful.  Ask them if they have a significant other just as you would ask your straight loved one.  Make sure invitations include “guest” or the person’s name, just as you would a straight friend.  Introduce that person to others the way your gay friend would choose to have you do that – “this is Jason’s friend” can be very patronizing where “this is Jason’s partner” can be very freeing and respectful to everyone involved.

There may be a number of hurdles for you to get over – but in the end you and your loved one will both be much closer and respect will be the word used to describe how you feel about one another.

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Gay FAQ: I am gay, now what?

I am Gay, now what?

Enjoy!

I so want to leave this answer at that one word but I am sure my editor needs and wants more so here goes.

You finally admit to yourself that you are gay.  Good for you.  You have thought about this for ages.  You may have pondered the consequences of this realization with some fear – some excitement and certainly some hesitation.  But you have come to the realization and now what do you do?

You behave the same way you would if you woke up one morning and discovered you were straight.  You move on with your life WITH INTEGRITY.

Open up the box that our society seems to prefer we all live in and see what’s out there.  There are so many parts of your life that you will explore, straight or gay, that you need to allow your life to take you places you might not have expected you would go.  Be open.  Pay attention to your head and your heart and you will be a joyfilled and happy gay person.

Learn from generations past.  There are things out there that will hurt you.  Know what they are and avoid them when you can.  Pain will make you grow – so will mistakes and you will experiences both on your journey.  You would experience the same things if you were not gay.

Embrace who you are.  Cherish you life and the way you love.

Popularity: 13% [?]

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Gay FAQ: Should Gay Marriage Be Legal

Should Gay Marriage be legal?

Of course it should be and it should be called marriage and not some other name like commitment, holy union, domestic partners.  It should be marriage and come with all the rights and responsibilities it affords to straight couples right now.

Why, you ask?  Well let me address the most significant misconception about “gay marriage” i.e., the church doesn’t approve.

Marriage is not a religious issue in any way, shape, or form.  It is not a church sponsored activity.  It is a legal issue.  Being a legal issue, marriage should be accessible to any couple regardless of the gender mix of the couple – end of discussion.

Churches should be in the business of blessing relationships in the name of God.  Churches should not be an arm of the government in providing a legal relationship to couples.  This would mean conservative churches would not be asked to do something they do not believe in – and thank God.  After all it is America and those churches do not need to bless gay marriages.  Liberal churches on the other hand, like the United Church of Christ, could go on blessing marriages of same gender couples as they currently do.  But the legal aspect of a marriage would take place in city hall, the court house, the office of a justice of the peace.  Then, and only if a couple wishes, the church would bless the union in the midst of family, friends, and the congregation.

This practice has been the method for marriages in Europe for centuries.  A couple goes to city hall.  The government marries them.  They go across the square to the church and the church blesses the union and everyone is happy.  It is one of the reasons that so many other countries allow gay marriages – they have evolved far beyond the idiocy of this country to understand the difference between the legal and religious definitions of marrage.

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