Ask Amanda Archive

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Gay FAQ: Is being gay a sin?

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Editor
– May 4, 2010Posted in: Advice & Editorials, Ask Amanda, Gay FAQ, Let's Be Adult, The Whole Man

Is being gay a sin?

NO!  Next.

Ok Ok – so you want more than that.  Being gay is how gay people were born – so if you are a religious person and believe that people are created in God’s image – God has no issue with gayness – in fact – God created it.  Did God create sin?  Well that is a conversation I am not going to have here – maybe another time.

There are those who will point to specific Bible verses and say – “see, Jesus thinks it’s a sin”.  Well let me assure you that Jesus never said a thing about homosexuality.  Nothing.  Nada.  There are passages, when read out of context and with little or no historical perspective, indicate that the writer of the book are less than thrilled with homosexuality but when read through the filter of historical truth one will find that those passages, in most cases, are about something else and not a condemnation of homosexuality.

The Bible tells us to do many things that we would never do; “sell teenage daughter into slavery”, kill those who work on the Sabbath, cut out our eye.  So interpreting the Bible as infalable is a very slippery slope.

There are many things perceived as sin.  You are free to develop your own theory but the Biblical truth just might be that anything you don’t do with integrity, that does not enhance your life as a good person could be a sin.

Is Gayness a sin?  Is drinking a sin?  Is living a lavish lifestyle a sin?  You can find people who will say yes to all or any of these questions.  So it is really up to you to determine, in your life, what you feel is sin.  But aside from your belief is reality.  In reality is gayness a sin?  Well your believe structure and the way life is and needs to be lived may be in conflict on this and many other things.  Deal with it.  Gayness is.  That is what is important to remember “and the greatest of these is love”.  THAT is far more important to remember.

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Gay FAQ: I think my loved one might be gay.

By
Editor
– May 4, 2010Posted in: Advice & Editorials, Ask Amanda, Let's Be Adult

I think my loved one might be gay.

Congratulations!  Many people do not have the honor of knowing someone gay or at least don’t know they know someone.

You might be asking yourself – “well if he/she is gay, how to I treat them”?  The answer to that is VERY simple and VERY important – you treat them like they are your loved one.  Any other response is inappropriate and not loving.

You may not be pleased that your loved one is gay – or you may love it – either way – it is what it is and YOU need to deal with it – it will help your loved one deal with it.  Trust me they will have plenty to deal with in the various forms of discrimination that we are forced to accept in the lack of equal rights:  marriage, adoption, legal access, job and housing discrimination; the list goes on.  If LOVED one is how you really refer to this person – do just that love them, support them, ask them questions, learn about them, care about their lives.

It may make you uncomfortable to talk about their life but ignoring it is very hurtful.  Ask them if they have a significant other just as you would ask your straight loved one.  Make sure invitations include “guest” or the person’s name, just as you would a straight friend.  Introduce that person to others the way your gay friend would choose to have you do that – “this is Jason’s friend” can be very patronizing where “this is Jason’s partner” can be very freeing and respectful to everyone involved.

There may be a number of hurdles for you to get over – but in the end you and your loved one will both be much closer and respect will be the word used to describe how you feel about one another.

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Gay FAQ: I think I might be gay

By
Editor
– May 4, 2010Posted in: Advice & Editorials, Ask Amanda, Gay FAQ, Let's Be Adult

I think I might be gay.

Well good for you!  Now lets figure out if you really are.  Do you have an overwhelming desire to decorate?  Teach your female co-workers how to dress?  Cut hair or scream “girlfriend”.    Well who cares – none of those things indicate you are gay.  Only your heart knows for sure and it will tell you when the time comes.

So have you had an encounter with a man?  Did you like it?  Well guess what – that doesn’t mean anything either.  No matter what they tell you there are scads of straight men who have had sexual encounters with other men and are not gay.  Homosexuality is an activity in my mind, not a lifestyle.  A blow job in the park does not a gay man make.

Gayness is not determined by a list of actions or thoughts.  Gayness is a way one is.  A gay person was born this way (no matter what the Christian Wrong says) and there is no changing it.  Did you hear that Exodus?  You cannot change being gay.  You can choose to live in the closet and not live a gay life style – that is the only choice you have in this – but you cannot change the basic fact that one is or is not gay.

But how do you know.  Well although this may not seem helpful at first – but the answer to that is – you just know.  It took me years to come out to myself after knowing that I found myself looking at men more than women – after wondering what a kiss from my best friend would be like – after being hugged by a man and feeling at home in his arms.  I just knew.

The most important thing to realize is that there is nothing wrong with the fact that you might be gay.  There have been famous, successful, wonderful gay people since the beginning of time.  The days of society telling us we are perverts are over.  (well they still tell us that but we now know they are wrong).  We are created the way we are and have the right and possibility of living productive and happy lives out in the open.

My advice to you is to allow life to happen – don’t hold back – don’t lose your sense of wonder – be open to new people and new things – and never ever allow society, an employer, a family member, or anything else tell you what and how you should be.  Be you – and one day soon – you will know – you just will.

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FAQ: Gay Men’s Health

By
Editor
– March 8, 2010Posted in: Advice & Editorials, Ask Amanda, Dr. Know, Gay FAQ, Health & Fitness, Let's Be Adult

Dear Dr. Know,
What (if any) special concerns should I have if I am a gay man?

Patient in PA

Dear Patient,
Yes, gay straight and bi men who have sex with men should observe the following health care screening:

HEALTH CARE SCREENING FOR MEN WHO HAVE SEX WITH MEN

  • Physical exam: every 3 to 5 years
  • Family history.  This should be reviewed/updated at every physical exam.
  • Lab screening: fasting glucose, cholesterol particularly
  • Be honest about your sexual practices:  are you top, bottom, versatile?  Are you monogamous in your relationship? In what sexual practices do you engage?  If your physician is uncomfortable with these issues, find another physician.
  • HIV test every 3 to 6 months depending on your sexual practices.  Do you practice safe sex? If not, get screened more often.
  • Syphilis test every 3 to 6 months.  Syphilis is rampant in this community, and condoms may not protect you.  This goes for herpes and venereal warts.
  • Venereal wart immunization.  Unfortunately, this immunization is approved only for men up to the age of 26, and it is very expensive:  $200 a shot for 3 shots.  60 to 75 % of men who have sex with men have venereal warts, and they can be anal, so you don’t necessarily know that you have them.
  • Anal pap smear if you have ever bottomed, no matter how remotely.  Anal cancer is more common in men who have sex with men than cervical cancer is in women.
  • Venereal wart anal screening for exposure to the strains of the venereal wart virus that are known to cause cancer.
  • Gonorrhea and Chlamydia screening:  as needed based on symptoms and sexual practices
  • Hepatitis A and B immunizations.  Get screened first.  Screening should also include hepatitis C.  Many of my patients have had hepatitis A, B and/or C and never knew it.  You don’t neeed the immunizations if you have already had the infection.  If you are HIV positive, you should receive a double dose of hepatitis B vaccine.  Ten percent of people infected with hepatitis B become chronic carriers, and can infect their partners; and a small percentage of the chronic carriers will develop liver cancer.
  • Herpes 2 screening.  Are you positive for exposure?  A simple blood test will answer the question.
  • Evaluation of nicotine use
  • Evaluation of drug and/or alcohol use
  • Screening for depression

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In Love With Sombody’s Husband

By
Editor
– November 5, 2009Posted in: Advice & Editorials, Ask Amanda, Cover Stories, Features

CircuitPartyDear Amanda,

I am in love with another man’s husband. It is not mutual, but we are friends and all in the same social circle, so I cannot just walk away from the situation.

What can I do?
Lost in Love

Dear Lost in Love,

Goodness you sweet, lost thing.  You find yourself in one of life’s most difficult situations and even Amanda wasn’t sure She had an answer at first – but of course, after some thoughtful reflection Amanda has some sound advice.

Unless you are the heartless, home wrecker type you need to just cool your jets and live with this situation – deal with the unrequited love the best you can.  It is unconscionable that you would step in and break up a marriage, but being in love with this man is not a bad thing – only a difficult thing.  Be his friend, and respect what is currently making him happy – it is a gift of love you can give him by not interfering with his relationship.

It will be very hard to stay in the lives of these two people and your social circle feeling the way you do, but being in a circle of friends who care about you will provide you some support in the meantime.

Amanda believes that we find love in many different places and with many different people – keep your mind and your heart open and you will find someone just as he has and life will be much easier for you all.

Amanda will send you good vibes that someone else will appear in your life and allow you to move past this difficult situation.

Kiss, Kiss, Amanda

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