Category Archives: Ask Amanda

In Love With Sombody’s Husband

CircuitPartyDear Amanda,

I am in love with another man’s husband. It is not mutual, but we are friends and all in the same social circle, so I cannot just walk away from the situation.

What can I do?
Lost in Love

Dear Lost in Love,

Goodness you sweet, lost thing.  You find yourself in one of life’s most difficult situations and even Amanda wasn’t sure She had an answer at first – but of course, after some thoughtful reflection Amanda has some sound advice.

Unless you are the heartless, home wrecker type you need to just cool your jets and live with this situation – deal with the unrequited love the best you can.  It is unconscionable that you would step in and break up a marriage, but being in love with this man is not a bad thing – only a difficult thing.  Be his friend, and respect what is currently making him happy – it is a gift of love you can give him by not interfering with his relationship.

It will be very hard to stay in the lives of these two people and your social circle feeling the way you do, but being in a circle of friends who care about you will provide you some support in the meantime.

Amanda believes that we find love in many different places and with many different people – keep your mind and your heart open and you will find someone just as he has and life will be much easier for you all.

Amanda will send you good vibes that someone else will appear in your life and allow you to move past this difficult situation.

Kiss, Kiss, Amanda

Do you have a queer dilemma?  Click here to send your questions to Ask Amanda!

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ASK AMANDA Gay Marriage

35-gold-wedding-ringsDear NSNMF,

The subject of gay marriage is one near and dear to Amanda’s heart and should be a vital concern for all of us in the community.

Amanda believes (strongly) that we need the right to marry – NOT to “be just like straight people” but to have the loving and long lasting relationships we find ourselves in sanctioned and validated by society (not that Amanda believes society has been a good judge of what is right and wrong up to this point). And God forbid we have “marriage that is identical to theirs”. Marriages in the straight community fail at a rate higher than 50% and then they blame us for demise of marriage and the family – STRAIGNT PEOPLE WAKE UP.

First of all lets get some definitions cleared up.

A wedding is a religious ceremony – actually a worship service within which two people become united into a couple. In the US we have unfortunately considered this a marriage and that has caused many to drag along a religious reason to object to gay couples tying the knot in a religious service. Amanda feels this is unfortunate. It is America and if the Baptist church doesn’t want to marry Amanda and her partner (If she had one – always looking – and please excuse the personal reference) then good for them – no one will make them do it. There are a number of denominations that will allow same gender ceremonies, the United Church of Christ being one WAY out in front.

A marriage really is a legal contract between two people that is defined and sanctioned by the government and in this light should, by common sense, be a right of anyone living in that governmental unit who wants to take advantage of that right and therefore gain the rights AND responsibilities afforded others.

Now that Amanda has defined the process for you allow her to shed some light into your overly non-conformist little heart. Get over yourself!! People should and do have the right to live anyway they wish, in singles, groups, couples and they have the opportunity to call it anything they wish. People who do not believe in the concept of marriage – DONT DO IT. Much like the old abortion slogan – If you Don’t Believe in Abortion – Don’t Have One.

For those of us who would like to be in committed relationships and receive the benefits of said relationship AND fulfill the responsibilities of that relationship – we should have that right.

To answer your question – middle ground? on this subject? That may not exist. But Amanda is very VERY adamant about this – if people within our own community fight the right that so many of us desire we will never win the battle of equality. This has been evident in most of the human rights battles we have fought. We rarely come together as a community to fight for our rights – we have so many subgroups who dilute the battle with personal causes and specific agendas that we rarely win. Our opponents are united in one objective – deny us rights – thus – they most often win.

The gay community needs to come together to fight for rights – the same rights everyone else has. Amanda has the right to own a cat – She doesn’t (thank God) but She believe you do have that right and would fight for it – right next to you, if that were necessary.

Get on board this fight – and if you don’t believe in it working in your life – don’t participate in the right when it is achieved – but PLEASAE do not help the other side by standing with them.

Kiss, Kiss (in spite of Her Feelings)

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