Ask Amanda Archive

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I Really Want to Find A Guy I Can Sleep With and …

By
Editor
– September 11, 2010Posted in: Advice & Editorials, Ask Amanda, Features

Dear Amanda,

I really want to find a guy i can sleep with as well as live with i a house.

Looking Online

My Dearest Respondent,

Amanda assumes that your response to the I am Gay, Now What, series of questions says, “I really want to find a guy I can sleep with as well and live with in a house.”?  There are all sorts of places to find someone who will live with you and sleep with you and do so in a house.  Is your life so simple that that is all you desire?  How about love, how about life companionship?  How about mowing the lawn?  All of these are very important parts of what might be a life-partnership.  But Amanda guesses you really are looking for more than a roommate you can sleep with in a house.

Amanda wishes you the best of luck in your search for that person.  She also encourages you to create a vision in your head of what “HE” might be like.  And please do not reduce him to “blond, tall, hunky, under 24, hung.”  Make him funny, caring, compassionate, honest and loyal.  Find that man who compliments your life not completes it, who truly wants to share your lives together, to be there when you need him and wants and needs you to be there when he needs you.  Dont settle for anything – ever.  There are those days when we all feel that I better take whats there instead of seeking the right match – DO NOT GIVE IN to that thinking.  They are out there – and guess what – they are looking for you – let yourself be found.

Kiss, Kiss,

Amanda

Popularity: 13% [?]

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Ask Amanda: Construction Site Concerns

By
Editor
– August 13, 2010Posted in: Advice & Editorials, Ask Amanda, Cover Stories, Features

Dear Amanda,

I work for a construction company and work with mostly straight guys.  They know I am gay, and for years it has not been an issue. Recently a very handsome and young new employee was hired and somebody joked asking “Would that work for you?” I agreed that it would.

Now there are stories going around regarding proctology exams performed  by me on the new employee. I am used to being the butt of jokes (sic)
however, I feel bad for the new guy and feel partly responsible for the teasing he is now getting, and of course he is not happy with me either.

What can or should I do?
Not-In-the-Closet Carpenter

My Dear Mr. Carpenter:

Goodness, how butch – a real carpenter. But Amanda digresses.

You are in a difficult spot and the solution might not be much fun at first but will, in the long run, work out very well.

First of all, I hope you now realize what you can say in response to stupid questions from your co-workers and what you cannot say. They sound pretty evolved if they accept you as you are but some of their red-necks are showing in the fact that they would take the response to the next level and put you and the newbie into the situation they have. Trust seems to have been eroded and Amanda hopes you have learned from that.

Secondly, Amanda would sit down with the new guy and explain exactly what happened and make sure he knows you didn’t mean any harm by what has transpired. He may not wish to hear what you have to say at first but it would be a very good way to mend the fence with him. At least you will have tried. Make sure he knows that what has turned into something uncomfortable really began as a compliment to him and assure him that you are not looking for anything from him except a good working relationship (and certainly not a proctology exam).

If you can pinpoint one of the ring-leaders of the rumor, Amanda would also talk with him and let him know how uncomfortable things have become for you and that it was not really fair what happened.

From this point on Amanda would recommend never talking about anyone within reach of your tacky co-workers.

Now, with all that said, how does one keep their mind on driving nails, setting beams, and snapping plumb lines with all those hunky construction workers around? Not that Amanda has ever had a construction worker fantasy – but really?

Kiss, Kiss, Amanda

Popularity: 12% [?]

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Gay FAQ: I think my loved one might be gay.

By
Editor
– May 4, 2010Posted in: Advice & Editorials, Ask Amanda, Gay FAQ, Let's Be Adult

I think my loved one might be gay.

Congratulations!  Many people do not have the honor of knowing someone gay or at least don’t know they know someone.

You might be asking yourself – “well if he/she is gay, how to I treat them”?  The answer to that is VERY simple and VERY important – you treat them like they are your loved one.  Any other response is inappropriate and not loving.

You may not be pleased that your loved one is gay – or you may love it – either way – it is what it is and YOU need to deal with it – it will help your loved one deal with it.  Trust me they will have plenty to deal with in the various forms of discrimination that we are forced to accept in the lack of equal rights:  marriage, adoption, legal access, job and housing discrimination; the list goes on.  If LOVED one is how you really refer to this person – do just that love them, support them, ask them questions, learn about them, care about their lives.

It may make you uncomfortable to talk about their life but ignoring it is very hurtful.  Ask them if they have a significant other just as you would ask your straight loved one.  Make sure invitations include “guest” or the person’s name, just as you would a straight friend.  Introduce that person to others the way your gay friend would choose to have you do that – “this is Jason’s friend” can be very patronizing where “this is Jason’s partner” can be very freeing and respectful to everyone involved.

There may be a number of hurdles for you to get over – but in the end you and your loved one will both be much closer and respect will be the word used to describe how you feel about one another.

Popularity: unranked [?]

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Gay FAQ: I am gay, now what?

By
Editor
– May 4, 2010Posted in: Advice & Editorials, Ask Amanda, Cover Stories, Gay FAQ, The Whole Man

I am Gay, now what?

Enjoy!

I so want to leave this answer at that one word but I am sure my editor needs and wants more so here goes.

You finally admit to yourself that you are gay.  Good for you.  You have thought about this for ages.  You may have pondered the consequences of this realization with some fear – some excitement and certainly some hesitation.  But you have come to the realization and now what do you do?

You behave the same way you would if you woke up one morning and discovered you were straight.  You move on with your life WITH INTEGRITY.

Open up the box that our society seems to prefer we all live in and see what’s out there.  There are so many parts of your life that you will explore, straight or gay, that you need to allow your life to take you places you might not have expected you would go.  Be open.  Pay attention to your head and your heart and you will be a joyfilled and happy gay person.

Learn from generations past.  There are things out there that will hurt you.  Know what they are and avoid them when you can.  Pain will make you grow – so will mistakes and you will experiences both on your journey.  You would experience the same things if you were not gay.

Embrace who you are.  Cherish you life and the way you love.

Popularity: 14% [?]

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Gay FAQ: Should Gay Marriage Be Legal

By
Editor
– May 4, 2010Posted in: Advice & Editorials, Ask Amanda, Gay FAQ, Gay Marriage, Let's Be Adult

Should Gay Marriage be legal?

Of course it should be and it should be called marriage and not some other name like commitment, holy union, domestic partners.  It should be marriage and come with all the rights and responsibilities it affords to straight couples right now.

Why, you ask?  Well let me address the most significant misconception about “gay marriage” i.e., the church doesn’t approve.

Marriage is not a religious issue in any way, shape, or form.  It is not a church sponsored activity.  It is a legal issue.  Being a legal issue, marriage should be accessible to any couple regardless of the gender mix of the couple – end of discussion.

Churches should be in the business of blessing relationships in the name of God.  Churches should not be an arm of the government in providing a legal relationship to couples.  This would mean conservative churches would not be asked to do something they do not believe in – and thank God.  After all it is America and those churches do not need to bless gay marriages.  Liberal churches on the other hand, like the United Church of Christ, could go on blessing marriages of same gender couples as they currently do.  But the legal aspect of a marriage would take place in city hall, the court house, the office of a justice of the peace.  Then, and only if a couple wishes, the church would bless the union in the midst of family, friends, and the congregation.

This practice has been the method for marriages in Europe for centuries.  A couple goes to city hall.  The government marries them.  They go across the square to the church and the church blesses the union and everyone is happy.  It is one of the reasons that so many other countries allow gay marriages – they have evolved far beyond the idiocy of this country to understand the difference between the legal and religious definitions of marrage.

Popularity: unranked [?]

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